notes towards a body II

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i am remembering the time i was not yet born

when there was no such thing as time

and no such thing as remembering

 

no, i am wrong

i remember, but not through memory

 

here in an image of being not yet in this world

a floating, bouncing, jumping shape, closer to cyborg than human

a pixelated mass where i am a life of something else

of dancing lights without body

in a cramped, unfamiliar, freezing space

which could be purgatory, limbo, nowhere

everywhere

 

this couldn’t be me

this being couldn’t

 

i can no longer feel her. i ignore her as she always available yields

mother, forgotten by a surge of inhumanity:

the one person who could know unconditional love so well

who could be my body of compassion

yields to forgottenness

 

i, waiting to be born, become remembered

solely by a frozen image of a frozen time

of the not-yet-born

of the still-being-born

of the still-being- and the stillborn

 

of a still life in portrait

longing for body