MOST OF THE TIME / REALISM

I’m sitting on the couch while cooking
rice and beans
dreaming again           I guess
                of delivery from realism
the curse of doing the
stupidest jobs
in a soulful way
that’s a curse yes
when you said
my new poems were
quiet
I didn’t feel good about it
but I’m trying to draw a line
between email you and
the you that is my friend
the you of the poem
and the you that is
my friend
years ago
when we all became friends
while drinking too much
at poetry readings
it makes me feel better when
somebody on tumblr says nostalgia
might be queer hope
it makes me feel more hopeful about
my nostalgia
the curse of always
having the wrong job
of meeting you when
you were straight
bad timing
which is also a
way of being
hopeful
in another world
I said
I feel so
stupid
which was a way
of saying the world
had put me
in the position to
feel that way
you can make
a life
out of shitty jobs
that leave you weird
kinds of time
you can make a life
that way
too
maybe
I use Marxist
language
in team meetings
the use of the word
team at work still
captures
me emotionally
like a socialist dream in
a capitalist context
you’re still sleeping upstairs
from working the night shift
and I get mad at you
for missing me
for more
capitalist
bad timing
for more work
but maybe I can end this
by addressing
you sleeping
upstairs
who understands
the jokes
I rely on too much
the joke is that the other
world
can’t read us
it’s not funny at all
but you know what
I mean
most of the
time