frottuer iii

Double lights. The gleam and then the gleam again
as smudge across the window glass. After some things, you have to wash
your hands. You have to wash your hands
again. By this i mean i felt my feet needed to be unpeeled
from the linoleum of the dormitory bathroom. i felt
i was bearing something i did not want, i felt the swirled tips
of my fingers unswirling. i made a deep cut
in my memory.
i stepped outside my skin and placed my hands on my shoulders
and turned
and kept turning. Vertiginous
birth. A dark loom in the attic of the earth, i
was spun into this shape
to stand beside the bereaved and be honest.
To admit the beams
of the world are rotten; to reveal
the basement has no
bottom. i wear a velvet dress so i will always
recognize myself
as soft, so i will have a record
of the crush, so i remember the meaning
of touch.