February 2017

Lol i had such a stressful dream about boundary setting with a person i dont talk to now. And it happened in a car to and at an anarchist space which itself was super stressful. At some point i was so frustrated at the person’s behavior of dramatically weeping on my best friend that i started yelling “i behave normally! I dont do this to your friends!”

Then i witnessed this bullshit in the anarchist space where this dude who looked like an alt right nerd came in and “explained” his freakout the day before when he smashed a bunch of glass vases onto the floor in a rage and was writhing in the glass and threatening people while yelling all kinds of slurs. He was taking some kind of “experimental antidepressant” and had taken too much or too little and then he demonstrated the swerve of chemicals in his brain that weren’t quite reaching the place that would make him act like a decent person. Incredulous, i watched all these ppl in the space believe this and agree he was still allowed in the space even though they looked scared. 

I turned to the person who had cried on my friend and said fuck you, you are like this person, always given permission to hurt other people but still feel victim to some group conspiracy drawn out of thin air.

I laid out my boundaries of how i did not want to process or talk or continue to be approached. I felt guilty as hell because it felt “mean” even though i knew i needed this. I also felt disgust but tried to not let that enter my voice too much. I didnt want to be poisoned by this.

On my way out i stared at the grotesque ceramics on display in the strangely fancy first floor lobby. The queer anarchist femmes tumbled out the elevator looking beautiful and laughing and we stole some bougie lady’s shoes and left some shoe donations in their place.

I was still prickling with doubts but the sky was lovely and huge and that saved me. We all piled back into the car to go on with our day.

Then i woke up very frustrated i had done all this work but only in a dream!