


To repeat Audre Lorde: &ldquo;we fear the visibility without which we cannot truly live.&rdquo;

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A form of recognition that would honor our

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; complexities; that would give picture to our unique

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; dexterities, weaknesses, and rigidities; holding us

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; accountable for each, in the belief that we might also

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; transform them.

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;But not this visibility.


Not the crisp march of hidden cameras and multiplying spywares arising at every corner and wearing away at the verifiability of one&rsquo;s edges. Not this copious documentation and ceaseless registration which is aimed always at scrutiny and which operates with an unflagging presumption of permanent guilt or criminality.


Indeed, this may be a singular kind of visibility under which we cannot actually survive.

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A live wire of surplus optical powerlessness.


&nbsp;





&nbsp;


Sousveillance Pageant decides that it&rsquo;s time for a shower. As the warm water runs across her body, she recollects a comment made by the imprisoned writer and activist David &ldquo;Dawud&rdquo; Lee, one which she had encountered in an article during that feral period of agonized searching. In it, Lee &ndash; who is serving a Death By Incarceration sentence in Pennsylvania &ndash; endeavors to complicate the assertion of another formerly incarcerated writer, Sheri Dwight, who proclaims, &ldquo;Prison did not do what it thought it was going to do to me. I won.&rdquo;


To which Lee responds: &ldquo;In my opinion Sheri Dwight is referring to the attempts of the prison system to break her will and her successful defense of her spirit and mind. She won by not allowing the system to force conformity in her thinking, thus causing counter-productive actions on her behalf. This system has a way of making people think that the oppression being issued to them is deserved, and that there are no other ways of creating solutions in our communities. Nevertheless, I do not view my situation as a winning situation. You cannot take decades out of my life, and then I turn around and view this as a win. Even though they have not destroyed my spirit, mind, or body, I still have not won.&rdquo;


I still am on the run.

We still are out of the running.


We still all too often find ourselves both lunging toward and torn open by the question: If survival means ongoing livingness in the face of attempted fatality, can we automatically equate non-fatalities with thriving? Is that too easy or too high-minded?


Is it self-conniving even?


How often is a circumstance that is short of defeat, nonetheless still brutally short of victory?


&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I.e.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It was short of war, but how short?

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was short of violence, but how short?

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was short of disappearance, but how?


Where is the room for disavowal or rebuttal or doubt when we, as a public, observe that an event has resulted in another&rsquo;s unemployment or detention or social exile or early onset dementia or environmental auto-immune crisis, but not, we say, in violence.

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; As if these weren&rsquo;t forms of violence.


&nbsp;


The treacherously fine line that benignly proposes to separate reasonable suspicion from selective persecution, or persuasive pressure from coercive blackmail, or essential cost-saving measures from racist neglect,


or,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;or, &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; or&hellip;


Freshly towel-dried and just prior to falling asleep for the night, Sousveillance Pageant scrawls into the palm-sized journal that permanently occupies her night-side table.


To Whom It Does Not

Emily Abendroth

from A Biometric Drubbing